{"id":438,"date":"2019-05-28T18:18:28","date_gmt":"2019-05-28T22:18:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/?p=438"},"modified":"2019-05-29T10:35:51","modified_gmt":"2019-05-29T14:35:51","slug":"dont-blame-parents-weve-living-in-a-helicopter-society","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/dont-blame-parents-weve-living-in-a-helicopter-society\/","title":{"rendered":"Don\u2019t Blame Parents, We\u2019re Living in a Helicopter Society"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"anHelicopter Parents are blamed for stifling the growth of their children and creating a generation of young adults who struggle to deal with everyday tasks, resulting in the need for actual classes in \u201cHow to Adult.\u201d I would argue that it\u2019s not that simple. Parents alone are not to blame. We are living in a helicopter society<\/em>. Families are not autonomous, especially not when both parents hold full-time jobs and rely on community supports to help care for their children.<\/p>\n

People complain about how today\u2019s children are unable to entertain themselves, that parents are overinvolved and families are overscheduled. This is all true, but what is the cause? Yes, parents often make all these plans, but families don\u2019t exist in a vacuum. Some get caught up in the ripple effect. It is nearly impossible today to not overschedule your children when that\u2019s exactly what other parents do. While children can sometimes engage in solitary play, it is not reasonable or healthy to ask them to always<\/em> play solo. When their kids\u2019 friends have things planned out weeks in advance, parents learn they need to do the same or find ways to occupy the kids themselves. \u00a0Even teens capable of making their own plans often need help to implement them, most often transportation.<\/p>\n

Though all generations have faced criticism for their parenting styles, the current trend favors greater, almost constant supervision of children. Parents who allow their children the freedom to make their own decisions and learn lessons in a natural (cause and effect) way are criticized or even charged with child neglect. Many children don\u2019t learn to be independent because they aren\u2019t allowed<\/em> to be independent. When simply leaving home unsupervised is seen as a danger, it is no wonder so many young adults have no idea what to do when they first set out on their own.<\/p>\n

Not allowing kids to learn organically robs them of the confidence of knowing they can accomplish things on their own.\u00a0 Years of having been told exactly what they need to do to get the \u201cA\u201d stifles creativity. Too many young adults have not learned effective problem-solving skills. What used to be a normal byproduct of education has become something that needs to be explicitly taught.<\/p>\n

Change is always a constant, but the educational system of today is vastly different from the one I grew up in. In fact, things changed dramatically between my oldest and youngest, with only ten years between them. Things have gotten worse instead of better.<\/p>\n

In some ways, more is demanded of students, especially in the younger years. Just 20 years ago kindergarten was for learning social skills and practicing motor skills. Today\u2019s kindergarteners are pushed to learn to read and do math. Then, ironically, when they get to the hard stuff, they are coddled. Teachers hand out notes rather than teaching note-taking skills; they provide lists of resources rather than teaching students where to find information; students are sometimes given actual test questions in pre-test reviews. (This is not meant as a criticism of teachers. Today\u2019s emphasis on testing, plus the additional learning that goes with advances in technology, leaves no time to teach these skills.) As interaction between teaching professionals is often limited to others who work with the same age level, many teachers are unaware of what or how their students have learned in the past. It is no wonder that college students are needy, nor that professors are baffled at the needs of those walking in their classrooms.<\/p>\n

Parent portals that allow parents to see grades on a daily basis unnecessarily insert parents into the educational system. Many teachers expect parents to check the portal regularly; the parents who do not are seen as uninvolved and disinterested. The expectation is that parents will notice that Johnny hasn\u2019t turned in this week\u2019s assignments and will discipline accordingly, then look ahead and remind him about the project listed in the portal that is due next Tuesday. Some go so far as to require a signature affirming that Johnny\u2019s homework has been checked each night. Parents desperate for their children to not fall behind may be tempted to \u201chelp\u201d or even complete the assignments themselves.<\/p>\n

This takes ownership away from kids. It is the students who should be held accountable for completing work and earning grades, not the parents. What happens when the student goes away to college? Students accustomed to receiving help or even the daily \u201cHave you finished your homework?\u201d may flounder, not knowing where or how to start. \u00a0This may contribute to the rising mental health crisis seen at so many colleges today. The problem is compounded as students don\u2019t reach their potential: in college, there are no parent portals, no teacher conferences, and no emails to indicate there is a problem, so when the work doesn\u2019t get done, everyone<\/em> is surprised when the failing grades arrive.<\/p>\n

Parents want to protect their children, but all this scheduled, pre-planned activity has created a generation that struggles to find its own identity. Real life doesn\u2019t come with a syllabus, and there is no online scorecard to keep you aware of your progress.<\/p>\n

While many complain, they ignore the fact that we have all become lazy and complacent. \u00a0Today it is common for people (including grown adults) to expect reminders of their commitments. Even a meeting regularly scheduled for the second Tuesday of each month can be forgotten or assumed cancelled when an email notification isn\u2019t sent the day before. If grown adults can\u2019t manage to show up at a scheduled meeting without a reminder, how can we expect our youth to do so?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Helicopter Parents are blamed for stifling the growth of their children and creating a generation of young adults who struggle to deal with everyday tasks, resulting in the need for actual classes in \u201cHow to Adult.\u201d I would argue that it\u2019s not that simple. Parents alone are not to blame. We are living in a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[87],"tags":[27,104,106,105],"class_list":["post-438","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-social-mores","tag-helicopter-parenting","tag-helicopter-parents","tag-helicopter-society","tag-how-to-adult"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7mJoQ-74","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":145,"url":"http:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/helicopter-parenting\/","url_meta":{"origin":438,"position":0},"title":"The Unending Vortex of Helicopter Parenting","author":"Kimberly Yavorski","date":"May 24, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Helicopter parenting is here to stay. It has taken hold of society in such a way that there may be no going back. Psychologists are now calling 25 the new entrance to adulthood. For many different reasons, adult children continue (or come back) to live with their parents. College professors\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "education"","block_context":{"text":"education","link":"http:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/category\/education\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Publication1","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2016\/05\/Publication1-300x232.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":100,"url":"http:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/preparing-children-life\/","url_meta":{"origin":438,"position":1},"title":"Are “Top” Colleges the Best Preparation for Life?","author":"Kimberly Yavorski","date":"March 22, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"A recent article I read about a child who was devastated about being rejected by Harvard struck a nerve with me. Despite the fact that only about 10% of students who apply to Ivy League schools are admitted (and many of those rejected do meet the qualifications), this student believed\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "education"","block_context":{"text":"education","link":"http:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/category\/education\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2016\/03\/DSCF1033resized-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":171,"url":"http:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/un-common-courtesy\/","url_meta":{"origin":438,"position":2},"title":"I\u2019m Tired of Hearing About Un-Common Courtesy","author":"Kimberly Yavorski","date":"June 21, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"I regularly hear that my kids have good manners. People compliment me on how polite they are. Though I appreciate hearing good things about them, this always puzzles me. They are not doing anything special, they behave in a way that I would expect everyone to. They say please and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "social mores"","block_context":{"text":"social mores","link":"http:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/category\/social-mores\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"IMG_7477","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2016\/06\/IMG_7477-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":139,"url":"http:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/139\/","url_meta":{"origin":438,"position":3},"title":"What Are We So Afraid Of?","author":"Kimberly Yavorski","date":"May 17, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"These days, people are afraid. Afraid for our safety, for our children\u2019s safety, for our future, for the future of the planet. Today\u2019s world is very different from that of just a couple decades ago. We have all had the conversation that starts, \"Back when I was a kid\u2026\" This\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "education"","block_context":{"text":"education","link":"http:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/category\/education\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"SCAN0130 gloomy","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2016\/05\/SCAN0130-gloomy-300x216.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":401,"url":"http:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/more-alike-different\/","url_meta":{"origin":438,"position":4},"title":"Why Can’t We See That We Are More Alike Than Different?","author":"Kimberly Yavorski","date":"February 28, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"The Republican Party is caricatured as a heartless, racist group that does not care about children, the poor or the elderly. The perception is that it is the party of corporate greed and self interests. The Democrat Party is caricatured as a group of bleeding heart hippies who want to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "politics"","block_context":{"text":"politics","link":"http:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/category\/politics\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2018\/02\/puzzle-535508_1280.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2018\/02\/puzzle-535508_1280.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2018\/02\/puzzle-535508_1280.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2018\/02\/puzzle-535508_1280.jpg?resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":346,"url":"http:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/things-offend-us\/","url_meta":{"origin":438,"position":5},"title":"The Latest Installment of Things That Offend Us","author":"Kimberly Yavorski","date":"September 25, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"The latest item to blow up social media and the news circuits is yet another bizarre controversy. The widespread national anthem protest by NFL players after the president's comment this weekend has divided people even further, leaving many of us simply shaking our heads. The most noise here is coming\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "politics"","block_context":{"text":"politics","link":"http:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/category\/politics\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"U.S. flag flutters in the wind","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2017\/09\/Ft.-Sumter-ed-300x235.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2017\/09\/Ft.-Sumter-ed-300x235.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2017\/09\/Ft.-Sumter-ed-300x235.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/438","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=438"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/438\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":443,"href":"http:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/438\/revisions\/443"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=438"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=438"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=438"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}