{"id":21,"date":"2016-02-23T09:52:09","date_gmt":"2016-02-23T14:52:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/inheadoutmouthsite.wordpress.com\/?p=21"},"modified":"2017-03-01T11:46:43","modified_gmt":"2017-03-01T16:46:43","slug":"%ef%bb%bfa-reluctant-feminist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/%ef%bb%bfa-reluctant-feminist\/","title":{"rendered":"\ufeffA Reluctant Feminist"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"IMG_7542\"I have an uncomfortable relationship with feminism. It has sort of grown up with me. As a young girl, I saw women taking the stage, speaking forcefully, making themselves heard and refusing to sit down. While this is in part admirable, I found their demeanor often offensive. The feminists of my youth struck me as being men haters, as rebelling against an oppressive force, as rejecting femininity. They seemed to imply that if you liked traditional girl things and roles, that you were somehow less in their eyes. The message was that men only wanted to rule and control women and that we should rebel.<\/p>\n

This made no sense to me. I simply did not feel that oppression. I have always really liked men. The men in my life told me that I could do anything, that my career choices were only limited by my own motivation and ambition. Yes, I saw that women earned less and were less represented in high paying careers, but believed that these things would be overcome.<\/p>\n

Those early feminists also seemed to take every courtesy as an affront. The act of a man holding a door open was interpreted as \u201cHe thinks I am too weak to do this myself.\u201d Offering a hand or arm to hold was saying \u201cYou are fragile and childlike.\u201d Paying for a meal or a movie indicated that a woman needed a man, that she could not do things on her own. I call BS on all of this and honestly resented those feminists for making a man question whether he could be polite and courteous to me. I think that they are responsible, in part, for the confusion we see in gender relations today.<\/p>\n

I have always been one of those girls who was \u201cjust one of the guys.\u201d I have been the only female in the room in more circumstances than I can count. The times when I have been made to feel insignificant or unimportant in their company has been rare. As a child, I had more male friends than female, due in part to neighborhood demographics. This naturally influenced my opinions on the war between the sexes. There is no war.<\/p>\n

That is not to say that I haven\u2019t seen sexism firsthand. I have. I have had male co-workers engage in conversations with my chest and talk to me as if I had no intellect at all. Or even a pediatrician who, when I asked him to repeat something I had not heard over my child\u2019s crying (about the temperature of our water heater), telling me to just tell my husband, that \u201che would understand.\u201d These instances however were rare and were more than balanced by the men I worked closely with every day who valued my skills and treated me as just another person.<\/p>\n

When I quit my job to stay home with my kids, I felt ostracized. I was \u201cMommy-tracked\u201d by those in power at my company (both men and<\/em> women). With my job, it would have been possible to continue a professional relationship that would have been mutually beneficial, but I had committed an offense, I chose my children over my career. As time went on, the power brokers changed and the professional relationship was rebuilt, funny enough, by a man<\/em> who respected both me and my work.<\/p>\n

This is the main gripe I have with feminism. Life is not men versus women. When I left my editorial job, it was my choice. It was not something thrust upon me by a male-dominated industry (actually I would have liked to have seen them try such a thing). I did not do irreparable damage to womankind by choosing full time motherhood over a career in journalism. I think this is where feminism went wrong. I believe that having the choice<\/em> is what matters, not which choice you may make.<\/p>\n

I recently shared a post on Facebook in praise of women helping to empower other women. I was almost immediately chastised for this, as it was interpreted as women promoting other women, ONLY because they are women. I don\u2019t believe this is the case at all. Women who work to support others are making things better for all. Too many women get caught up in the rush to the ceiling, scrambling over others in the process. For decades we have heard about the Mommy Wars, between working and stay at home moms. Then there is the great breast feeding debate, the co-sleeping debate and on and on.<\/p>\n

When we acknowledge that we all want a better world and that not every solution is right for every person, we become stronger as a community. We should be making things easier for each other, not more difficult. If we were all leaders, who would follow? We need people who are willing to do different things, to take on different roles in order to survive as a society.<\/p>\n

I still harbor that feeling of distrust for feminism, much to the dismay of my daughters. I am coming to understand that the feminism of today is different and we are seeing men declaring themselves feminists. Using the definition of feminism I have most recently seen, the belief that people should be treated the same without concern for which chromosomes they were born with, then yes, I guess I am a feminist.<\/p>\n

Save<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I have an uncomfortable relationship with feminism. It has sort of grown up with me. As a young girl, I saw women taking the stage, speaking forcefully, making themselves heard and refusing to sit down. While this is in part admirable, I found their demeanor often offensive. The feminists of my youth struck me as […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[83],"tags":[6,10,9],"class_list":["post-21","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-feminism","tag-feminism","tag-moms","tag-women"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7mJoQ-l","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":328,"url":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/truth-about-femininity\/","url_meta":{"origin":21,"position":0},"title":"The Truth About Femininity – It’s Not What You Think it Is","author":"Kimberly Yavorski","date":"March 1, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"A fellow writer put out a challenge for March: to \u201cSpring into Femininity.\u201d She has the goal to write daily about femininity. The challenge is to see our femininity, to acknowledge it and to make it work in our lives. Though I don\u2019t plan to write daily about this, I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "feminism"","block_context":{"text":"feminism","link":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/category\/feminism\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"old-woman-1077121_1920 crop","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2017\/03\/old-woman-1077121_1920-crop-300x255.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":375,"url":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/the-year-of-the-women\/","url_meta":{"origin":21,"position":1},"title":"The Year of the Women","author":"Kimberly Yavorski","date":"November 7, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"A year ago we could sense it coming. Though it looks very different than we anticipated, this has been the Year of the Women. It is very possible that what we are seeing today will be remembered in history books as a \u201crevolution\u201d of sorts. Many expected to wake up\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "feminism"","block_context":{"text":"feminism","link":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/category\/feminism\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2017\/11\/pexels-photo-433495.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2017\/11\/pexels-photo-433495.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2017\/11\/pexels-photo-433495.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2017\/11\/pexels-photo-433495.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2017\/11\/pexels-photo-433495.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2017\/11\/pexels-photo-433495.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":46,"url":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/why-i-was-late-to-the-sisterhood\/","url_meta":{"origin":21,"position":2},"title":"Why I Was Late to the Sisterhood","author":"Kimberly Yavorski","date":"March 8, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Facebook informed me that today is International Women\u2019s Day, much in the same way it announces other \"special\" days (I have more to say on this, but that will be the subject of a separate post). I saw several posts celebrating women and talking about this year\u2019s call: \u201cPledging for\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "feminism"","block_context":{"text":"feminism","link":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/category\/feminism\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"100_9209","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2016\/03\/100_9209.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":151,"url":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/new-sexual-revolution\/","url_meta":{"origin":21,"position":3},"title":"Are We on the Cusp of a New Sexual Revolution?","author":"Kimberly Yavorski","date":"June 7, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"The viral reactions to recent news has been unusual to say the least, resulting in a an uproar across the internet. Last week the big story was the child who ended up in a gorilla enclosure at a zoo. People were quick to blame: the mom and the zoo were\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "feminism"","block_context":{"text":"feminism","link":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/category\/feminism\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"100_7698","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2016\/06\/100_7698-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":66,"url":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/irresponsible-preaching-and-irresponsible-journalism\/","url_meta":{"origin":21,"position":4},"title":"Irresponsible Preaching and Irresponsible Journalism","author":"Kimberly Yavorski","date":"March 16, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Today I am breaking rules. I am talking about politics and religion (okay, not exactly, but politics and religion are both tangentially related to my story). I believe in rules for the common good, but also in tolerance. People should be left to make their own decisions, as long as\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "social mores"","block_context":{"text":"social mores","link":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/category\/social-mores\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"IMG_7430","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2016\/03\/img_7430.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2016\/03\/img_7430.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2016\/03\/img_7430.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":412,"url":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/dread-palm-sunday\/","url_meta":{"origin":21,"position":5},"title":"Why I Dread Palm Sunday","author":"Kimberly Yavorski","date":"March 19, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"As a child, I looked forward to Palm Sunday. After all, Palm Sunday Mass features a giveaway and the Gospel includes major audience participation. Sure the Mass was longer than most, and there was more standing\/sitting\/kneeling than most Sundays, but it was different, and like I said, you went home\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "politics"","block_context":{"text":"politics","link":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/category\/politics\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2018\/03\/cross-sunset-sunrise-hill-70847.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2018\/03\/cross-sunset-sunrise-hill-70847.jpeg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2018\/03\/cross-sunset-sunrise-hill-70847.jpeg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2018\/03\/cross-sunset-sunrise-hill-70847.jpeg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2018\/03\/cross-sunset-sunrise-hill-70847.jpeg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=21"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":330,"href":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21\/revisions\/330"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=21"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=21"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/inandout\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=21"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}