While I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve done anything special, I sometimes have people turn to me and ask \u201cHow did you do it?\u201d They want to know why my kids talk to me and theirs don\u2019t. Why I get spontaneous texts and calls while they barely get responses even when they are the ones to initiate contact. This is often followed by the lament, \u201cIt\u2019s too late.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I believe it\u2019s never too late. Relationships can be strained, but it is possible to make them better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have no magic formula, no hidden tricks. But there are a few things I\u2019ve noticed that some of my friends and I do that is not universal among parents.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We listen. We pay attention to what they are interested in and ask questions. (Of course it helps that I am by nature a curious person who is genuinely interested in learning more about their passions.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We give opinions. (I try to do this only when asked for it, but TBH sometimes I can\u2019t help myself and offer it when it\u2019s not wanted.) But here\u2019s the important part, it is ONLY an opinion, it\u2019s not a directive. My kids know that my love and approval is not conditional on their sharing my opinions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We apologize when we mess up. While I try not to dilute my apology by explaining my whys, I sometimes mess up even more by doing so (and then have to apologize again).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We approach them. We invite them to do things with us. We reach out for hugs (especially when they really don\u2019t deserve them).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We show up. We show up at their games\/recitals\/plays and cheer them on (and smile when they hear us and roll their eyes). When possible, we drop everything to help them solve problems. When it\u2019s not possible (or it\u2019s something they really need to tackle alone), we say we wish we could and explain why we can\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We cheer them on. When they get discouraged we say \u201cYes you can!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We ask \u201cWhat do you need?\u201d This may be advice or a safe place to vent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We treat them with respect. Yes they are our children, but they are also individuals who are learning their way in the world. Though they may look and sound like adults, they only THINK they have all the answers. Having gone through this stage, we know they don\u2019t (and let\u2019s be honest we don\u2019t either), but it\u2019s just unkind to belittle them when they make mistakes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We try to remember what it was like, and then consider how different the world is today. We try to manage our expectations: there are things they can do and things they can\u2019t \u2013yet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We realize that nobody\u2019s perfect and give them, and ourselves, lots of grace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s never too late to make a relationship better.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
While I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve done anything special, I sometimes have people turn to me and ask \u201cHow did you do it?\u201d They want to know why my kids talk to me and theirs don\u2019t. Why I get spontaneous texts and calls while they barely get responses even when they are the ones to initiate contact. This is often followed […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":337,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17,16],"tags":[15,50],"class_list":["post-335","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-teens-college","category-teens","tag-parenting-teens","tag-relationship"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/lifeontheotherside\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/7\/2023\/02\/IMG_0908.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/lifeontheotherside\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/335","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/lifeontheotherside\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/lifeontheotherside\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/lifeontheotherside\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/lifeontheotherside\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=335"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/lifeontheotherside\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/335\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":347,"href":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/lifeontheotherside\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/335\/revisions\/347"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/lifeontheotherside\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/337"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/lifeontheotherside\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=335"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/lifeontheotherside\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=335"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kimberlyyavorski.com\/lifeontheotherside\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=335"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}