teens - college
Learn About Your Teens’ Passions as a Way to Say “I Love You”

Learn About Your Teens’ Passions as a Way to Say “I Love You”

Being a mom taught me that when you love someone, simply observing and acknowledging their passions can be as meaningful (or even more so), than doing these things yourself. You don’t need to share that passion to take joy from the activity. My four children are four very different individuals, and though they do share some interests, each has specific interests unique to them. I will forever be grateful that they’ve often invited me along for the ride; for I believe it has enriched my life as well.

We all have something we’re passionate about. It can be a job or a hobby; something we do or something we watch others do. As with so many things in life, passions are just more fun when you share them with someone else. These shared passions are frequently the “Aha!” moment when you realize that the person you are talking to will become a long-term presence in your life.

An Opportunity for Personal Growth

You don’t have to match their enthusiasm level to be supportive of another person’s passion, you just have to show genuine interest. Because of my kids I have learned a great deal about Marching Band, Jazz Band and Color Guard competitions (and discovered that these are activities that one can continue through adulthood). I have increased my knowledge of theater and the backstage activities that make the magic happen onstage.

I have learned about costuming: time periods of clothing and accessories, how to make a large man’s suit fit a 6th grader, how to take pieces of two different dresses and turn it into one that “works” for the show, how to use trim to dress up an otherwise plain dress (and do it in duplicate) and how to turn bedsheets into choir gowns.

I have learned bits of German and French and that vocal music also has its own extensive language (which, I am embarrassed to admit, confuses me a bit). I have learned basic ballet positions and that there are many modern dance styles.

I have learned a great deal about showing dogs and how the Seeing Eye dog program works, as well as dog trivia and other ways dogs and people work together. I have learned to kayak, zip line, rock climb and raft. I am now confident in my outdoor skills (at least in normal conditions) and have learned what to look for in hiking boots and other outdoor gear.

Making Relationships Stronger

Sharing their passions has made us closer. We have shared experiences while spending time just being together. These small moments have given me a better appreciation of the things they enjoy and help me understand what they are talking about. I’ve been privileged to catch a glimpse of who my kids are as individuals, who their friends are and how they interact (which is both similar and very different from the ways I interacted with friends when I was their age).

In exploring these new activities with them, I’ve even discovered some new passions of my own (two examples are kayaking and costuming). We enjoy doing things together, and they’ve shown an interest in learning more about things I’m interested in as well.

Letting Them See You as Your Own Person

I’ve learned that sharing my passions with them not only helps them to be open to possibilities out in the world, but also allows them to see a new side of me. In their early years, children see parents only as caregivers, and are often surprised when they learn that Mom and Dad have their own interests and have had some interesting experiences of their own. While teens of course know you are a person outside of Mom and Dad, actually seeing you as such can be quite a revelation.

I love history. My kids have mixed interest, ranging from tolerance, to slight interest, to full blown passion. Family vacations often include a museum (or two or three) where we learn about the area’s history together. I also have a fascination with my own family history and have been working on compiling a tree and family stories for several years. They show no apparent enthusiasm at the prospect of joining me in a National Archives trip, but my kids are interested in hearing about what I’ve learned and the many characters that came before them.

I love books. Fortunately, all of my kids do too. They willingly join me on trips to bookstores and libraries.  They usually see author lectures and book signings as a worthwhile use of time. My occasional opportunities to rub elbows with young adult novelists have been greatly envied and a box of books labelled “free” is usually a must-stop for browsing.

I love learning. Though they will not always admit it, my kids also enjoy learning. I have even witnessed them having fun learning about things they insisted they would have no interest in. They have been fortunate to have people in their lives (extended family, teachers, neighbors, club and scout leaders, to mention a few) who have fostered this enthusiasm for learning and given them the tools and opportunities to learn more.

I love the outdoors. Again, the interest here is not shared wholeheartedly by all, but my kids are willing to live in the outdoors with me on the occasional weekend and explore wild areas on foot. Depending on the type of boat, I also have ready company when I want to be on the water.

A Way to Make Good Relationships Even Better

The concept of sharing passions is good for all relationships. Obviously, romantic relationships thrive on shared passions, but I believe these relationships are also enriched when partners are willing to learn about things that make each other feel more alive. Trying new things usually results in growth as a person, and sharing a piece of yourself helps others know more about the real you. Even when one partner ends up not sharing the love of an activity, it opens a window to better understand the other person. Teens will likely be in such a relationship someday and can only benefit from seeing mutual respect and a willingness to try new things just because someone you care about wants to.

No matter how well you know someone, there is always something new to learn about him or her. You don’t have to share all interests, but recognizing and accepting your partner’s interests (and his or her individuality) helps in conversation and shows that you care. Many things in life require company or are just more fun when shared with another. Being willing to go along for the ride is a wonderful gift — to give or receive. Trying something new, just because someone else enjoys it is a learning experience and can lead to some great stories, too!

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