New Book Reassures Parents Of Teens: You’re Not Alone

I am no longer actively parenting teens (I’m now in the “beyond” stage) but I have teens in my extended family and many of my friends have teenagers. While I survived those sometimes tumultuous years, it was sometimes lonely and like many others, I sometimes questioned if I was making the right choices.

I’m happy to see more writers talking about this stage, openly and honestly. In her latest book, You’re Not a Failure, My Teen Doesn’t Like Me Either, Whitney Fleming shares her experiences, both good and bad, and offers some tips for parents of teens and those who will soon be there. I’ve followed Whitney on social media for years (Playdates on Fridays was a favorite page of mine), and have been lucky enough to work with her at several online publications. She is a colleague I both admire and respect. When it comes to parenting, we agree on a lot.

While my parenting journey took different paths and my experiences were very different from hers, I found myself nodding and smiling throughout the book, starting with the early chapters. She talks candidly about how difficult it is to be a parent today and how technology has completely changed the game – things are very different from when our parents were our age. She talks about how our past influences our thoughts and actions and how difficult it is to let our kids go and to watch them fail.

While this book is a parenting book, it is also a self-help book; Whitney shares things she learned about herself and ways she worked to change herself to be a better parent. (How many of us said early on in our parenting journey that we would do things differently than our parents did? Honestly, that’s hard to do.) She addresses outside pressures as well: from school, coaches, and even other parents. Our kids are constantly bombarded with messages that they are not good enough unless they do x y and z, and as parents, we sometimes internalize those thoughts as well.

Each chapter ends with a list of actionable advice, such as how to help you manage your own feelings, determine what your teen really needs, and what you can do to make your relationships stronger. Reading this book is like sitting down with a good friend, one who is willing to share not only their highlight reel, but also to talk about when things are difficult. These years are hard, but honest books like this one help make it a bit easier.