Everyone Else’s Parents Are Being Lied To, Too

The teen years are when we most often hear about what everyone else’s parents do. Everyone else’s parents let them stay out until 2 am. Everyone else’s parents are letting them spend an unsupervised weekend at the shore. Everyone else’s parents let them do whatever they want!

Guess what? Everyone else’s parents are hearing the same thing.

Is your teen lying to you? Maybe. Or maybe not. Many teens stretch the truth, or honestly believe that their parents will have no issue with them exerting more independence. Some teens are living in such a bubble that they have no concept of money or value of things. But pushing limits is normal at this age. After all, isn’t that what the teenage years are for?

Sometimes I’ve sat back as my kids planned events without reacting or responding. Many times, these plans simply fizzled out. I found that many times their friends hadn’t even mentioned those (obviously not well thought out) plans to their parents, much less gotten approval for them.

While I initially got worked up over these discussions, I soon learned to sit back and let things play out.

Those 2 am nights out? Not likely to happen. I live in a state that has a curfew for new drivers. They have what the kids call a “Cinderella license.” Simply put, they are not allowed to be driving after midnight, with very few exceptions. I do know some parents who do not enforce this, but there’s a very real chance that the state may. In addition, I know very few parents who are willing to go out to pick up their child at 2 am.

Those unsupervised beach weekends? Also not likely to happen. Few places are willing to rent for a weekend, preferring to rent by the week. Even fewer will rent to a group of teenagers. Most rentals require an adult to sign a lease agreement and will limit the number of underage guests. This is a fact sometimes best learned by teens themselves. It also eliminates hostility toward what is seen as overbearing parents. Though I am fine with being “the bad guy,” it’s nice when someone else bears the brunt of that anger.

Sometimes the plans change and become more pf a possibility. Maybe the weekend is not fully unsupervised. Maybe one family has a beach house and the parents are willing to allow their child to bring friends for a weekend, while they are also there.

I have had to explain many times to my children that it is not that I don’t trust them, or even their friends, but that there are sometimes circumstances that they are simply not equipped to handle. There are some emergencies, or even relatively minor mishaps, that could occur that they would need an adult to help guide them through.

Other times, the plans keep evolving into an elaborate trip where the cost climbs beyond what is reasonable. In these cases, I’d point out that they will be paying for it. Sometimes this has put a stop to the plans (when they either can’t or won’t find the money); other times it has been the push to get them to work toward a goal. If there is not enough time to save, they have then learned the importance of planning in advance and setting a budget.

And if you’re still unsure what everyone else’s parents have to say about this? Ask them.