When I Grow Up

Is Technology a Curse or a Blessing?

By Kimberly Yavorski July 15, 2016 writing challenges

Today’s post is a writing challenge. This is how it works: participating bloggers picked 4 – 6 words or short phrases for someone else to craft into a post. All words must be used at least once and all the posts will be unique as each writer has received their own set of words. That’s the challenge, here’s a fun twist; no one who’s participating knows who got their words and in what direction the writer will take them. Until now.

For this challenge, my words are:

disk ~ idling ~ bleach ~ impatient ~ technology ~ soiled

They were submitted by: http://dinoheromommy.com/

Although (or because) I use it daily, I have a complicated relationship with technology. Though it has made our lives much easier, it also creates challenges. We have come to expect instant gratification. Because computers have automated simple tasks, our minds are free to race ahead, to our next goal. I think this adds to some of the anxiety in today’s world. We have all come to expect instantaneous results. Since there is so little we need to wait for on a daily basis, we easily become impatient, even when things happen at a normal pace.

I blame technology for our reduced attention spans. We have become a society that is very bad at idling. We struggle with having nothing to do. Everywhere you go, people who are not actively engaged in a task are looking at their phones. Even when we plan to do something, these things are often passive. Even those with no interest in anything that may be on their phone screen have their heads down, appearing to be engrossed. People think it is “weird” to be doing nothing. Our phones have given us a way to hide in plain sight.

Besides our phones, many household appliances are becoming “smart.” There are now refrigerators that can tell us what is contained inside and machines that not only wash but now also FOLD our clothes. New washing machines can determine the size of a load of laundry and therefore how much water is needed. I guess it is just a matter of time before one is invented that can also determine how soiled the items are and whether and how much bleach is needed to get them clean.

I am continually amazed at the rate with which technology keeps changing. I am old enough to remember room-sized computers and saved my first published stories to a floppy disk which filled up rather quickly. Now I can carry many novels (and movies, too) in the palm of my hand, and have instant access to them. I am interested to see where we will go next. What unbelievable things will our grandchildren have in their everyday lives? Is there anything that can be invented today that would truly surprise us? Perhaps we are losing something there, the capacity to be amazed.

Please take a look at what my fellow bloggers did with their words:

Baking In A Tornado

Southern Belle Charm

Not That Sarah Michelle

Spatulas on Parade

Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

My Brain on Kids

The Bergham Chronicles

Never Ever Give Up Hope

Confessions of a part time working mom

The Diary of an Alzheimer’s Caregiver

Molly Ritterbeck

Juicebox Confession

Climaxed

Sparkly Poetic Weirdo

On the Border

Confessions of a Chronic Volunteer

By Kimberly Yavorski July 8, 2016 writing challenges

Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This week 15 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

My Secret Subject was submitted by: http://www.thediaryofanalzheimerscaregiver.com/blog.html

This was my prompt: You received a notice that an author is interested in writing your biography. What would the title be and give us a brief synopsis of the book!

Regular readers will know that my key phrase this year is “Out of the comfort zone.” People close to me will realize how very much this prompt pushes the limits of this phrase. Though I do share personal stories here, I really don’t like talking about myself (to be honest, it is sometimes panic-inducing), even writing my author bio was incredibly difficult, but I agreed to this writing challenge, so here goes…

She Couldn’t Help Herself, the Confessions of a Chronic Volunteer follows the life of Kimberly Yavorski. Though she was painfully shy as a child, she was tasked at age 12 with finding an organization with which to volunteer. She chose an animal shelter and learned that talking to people was not as scary and dangerous as she had thought. Though conversations initially centered around the animals needing homes, she found that she was good at coordinating people and sharing her knowledge. She was soon in charge of volunteer scheduling and training.

She moved away and found that these skills transferred nicely to other groups she had an interest in. Though it was not in her nature to take charge, once she saw a need, she stepped in and took the lead. By the time she had kids, she had become, by her own admission, a “chronic volunteer.” It was a compulsion; she just didn’t feel complete if she wasn’t giving of her time. The story goes on to detail how she added volunteer positions, some before even realizing she had said yes, and how it impacted her life, in both a good and bad way.

As she approached the inevitable point of “burning out,” she backed off a bit, and tried to limit volunteer activities, setting certain criteria that activities needed to meet in order for her to get involved. This seemed to work, but people still said she did too much. An epiphany occurred when she realized that telling people (and herself) this was what she wanted to do rather than it being something she had to do avoided these conversations. She also learned that simply saying no was acceptable. The burden of coming up with an excuse was lifted, and she was able to devote time to things that really mattered.

She saw the value in volunteering: the experience it provided, the fact that it filled a need in society, that it made her feel good, that she made a difference, and that sometimes it was actually fun. Plus, she felt that she had a debt to pay, that initial volunteer job got her out of the rut she was in and taught her that people are not scary, that she would survive and even thrive talking to them.

Kimberly’s kids grew and moved on; her volunteer opportunities dwindled. She realized she could certainly find more if she really wanted to, but perhaps that debt was finally paid. Her comfort zone had grown tremendously; even speaking in public no longer inspired terror, but instead a more manageable case of nerves. She rediscovered a passion, sharing herself through her words. She could still be of service; the written word can wield great power. She found that she had much to say, there were decades of ideas buried inside her. It was time to let some of them out, to share with the world in a different way. So she scribbled in notebooks and tapped at computer keys with the hope that these words would somehow make a difference in someone else’s life.

Please check out my fellow bloggers who also participated in this challenge:

Baking In A Tornado

Not That Sarah Michelle

The Bergham Chronicles

Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

My Brain on Kids

Spatulas on Parade

The Lieber Family Blog

Never Ever Give Up Hope

Confessions of a part time working mom

The Diary of an Alzheimer’s Caregiver

The Benefits of Keeping ‘Em Guessing

By Kimberly Yavorski June 3, 2016 Uncategorized

maggie

Recently while out walking our dog, Maggie, I took the reverse path, in the direction opposite the one we usually walk. I did this because I saw a dog down the street that I knew would result in more barking and commotion that I wanted to deal with at that moment. As a result, despite the fact that we walked the same route, only in reverse, she didn’t know where we were going next. This amused me and made me wonder if I should do this more often, not only in our walks, but in life. It might be good to shake things up a bit.

While we walked, I noticed that things looked different. I was seeing houses, yards and streets from the other side. It was a new perspective. I saw flowers and shrubs that I would have missed if I was coming from the other direction. What else in life have I missed seeing?

I try to notice things when we walk. I watch out for squirrels (and brace myself when I see one), cats and other dogs that I know will get Maggie’s attention. I also notice the birds, though she pays no attention to them. On occasion, I will stop and pull out my phone to snap a picture of a flower, rock or critter that chooses to not run when we approach. But this day, taking a “different” route, I saw things I hadn’t seen before, or at least not in the same way.

Walking is a good time for thinking. I continued to ponder this” new direction” concept. I really like it. I believe it is good for all of us to sometimes do the unexpected. I became aware that we were exercising different muscles (on our walk, we were now walking up hills that usually we had walked down) as well as stimulating the brain. When you think about it, all objects in life are multifaceted and look different from another side or in another light. Seeing things differently can then lead to thinking about things differently, and ultimately to doing things differently.

Sometimes we need to travel a new direction. A new path can help get you out of a rut. Though routine is comforting, it can become stagnant. I found that our new path had benefits for the dog as well. She stopped more often, unsure of what the plan was, instead of rushing ahead, resulting in a more enjoyable walk for both of us. Even she seemed to be noticing our surroundings more.

While big changes can be frightening, taking smaller steps in a new direction can be liberating. Doing something unexpected adds interest and helps to focus attention. I have long been a proponent of a change of scenery from time to time. I just haven’t realized that I really don’t have to go far to do so.

6 Ways Mommy Bloggers Are Heroes

By Kimberly Yavorski May 16, 2016 Uncategorized

Last week a viral post stirred up emotions about “mommy bloggers.” I want to give the writer the benefit of the doubt (since this is something I have a tendency to do, wanting to find good in everyone) and say that her intent was not to blast this wonderful group of people, but instead to point out some issues the industry as a whole has. Unfortunately, she went about it all wrong.

Personally, I didn’t take offense. I read it as a rant from a reformed mommy blogger. Ignoring the title and leaving the mommy part out, she said that bloggers are wasting their time, that no one is interested in their lives and that they are selling out by engaging in some of the more popular money-making strategies.

The backlash has been intense. I don’t consider myself a mommy blogger since I write about a number of things, but parenting is a favorite topic of mine and there is value in it. After pondering a couple days, I decided to share why I think Mommy Bloggers truly rock.

Being a parent is tough. No one tells you how difficult it is and you learn most of it “on the job.” There are countless parenting books and articles, but when you have a baby, you don’t have time to read them. (Besides, they frequently contradict each other.) Few of us are lucky enough to live close to our own parents and support networks are often scarce (have you noticed how many articles there are on finding mom friends?) Mommy bloggers give advice in small snippets. When you are up at 3 in the morning, they are there, online to let you know that this is normal and you will survive it.

Parenting is easier when you have a sense of humor. Mommy bloggers point out what is funny about parenting. Every parent has said something that makes absolutely no sense, unless you have been there. Imagine opening your briefcase to find a stuffed duck, and surprised, you exclaim “Oh, Mother Ducker!” (This is the name of the said duck.) Parents may find this funny, co-workers without kids, not so much.

Kids create messes. “This is why we can’t have nice things” has become a motto of sorts for parents everywhere. Permanent marker murals on the walls, mustard art on the fridge, Kool Aid stains in the carpet are all evidence that a child was here. Mommy bloggers tell stories of these discoveries and worse (and maybe even give tips on how to clean up after them). Reading these stories, you know are not alone, or maybe you are very lucky.

As a parent, you will question yourself. You will question your decisions. You will question your sanity. (And if your child is performing sleep-deprivation experiments on you, all of the above.) Mommy bloggers admit their mistakes, their fears, their worries. Sometimes things look different when it is not about you. You can look at things objectively and see that these issues are not as big as you thought. (And that “perfect” mom in the PTA is likely having the same issues.)

You change after becoming a parent. No one can prepare you for this. You will not be the same person you were. Your relationships with others change as well. Mommy bloggers get it. At some point you will read something and say “Wow, me too!” You will feel like someone understands. You have a co-conspirator, a new friend. You feel validated. Years ago, we talked to the people in our village over the fence. Today we reach our village through a lit screen, which takes us around the world.

This global village that connects us all unfortunately makes some people feel like they can ignore social niceties. In today’s world, when people don’t agree, some feel that it is okay to be rude and engage in hurtful, name-calling behavior. I am far removed from the young new mom who was trying to navigate this parenting gig without the guidebook, but I remember how isolating and difficult it sometimes was. I remember how vulnerable I was. People love to give advice about parenting (even when they have zero experience in parenting). The truth is, there is no one right way to do anything as a parent. Different strategies work for different people (and sometimes what works with the first child may not work for the second). Mommy bloggers are among the bravest people I know. They put themselves out there. They are honest, often brutally so. Their motivations may vary, but having someone say “Me too!” is a reminder of why they are so valuable. Like parenting, mommy blogging is tough; we need to encourage, not belittle and insult.

The Benefits of the Writing Family

By Kimberly Yavorski May 6, 2016 writing

About a month ago, while out with my husband socially, I was asked what I do, and replied “I am a writer.” This was the first time in a long time that I have said this out loud and it really felt good.

Growing up, I was exposed to more authors than most other kids. Having a family member in the business means I got to meet a few writers growing up. I was encouraged to write to my favorite author, Marguerite Henry and for several years corresponded with her (these letters are among my most cherished possessions). Seeing authors as real people didn’t diminish my awe, but set a standard for how those in the writing profession should behave. Gracious and kind are words that come to mind, and in many cases I may add, patient (which I now realize is helpful when your biggest fans struggle to sit still and ask very long questions). Then and now, I see these individuals as superheroes. They made a difference in my world as well as in many others. They are the kind of people I aspire to be.

I am happy to say that I am finding the same qualities today. Over the past few months I have “met” many wonderful people who are also fantastic writers. Despite the fact that the competition is tremendous to get work published, most writers are celebrating each others’ victories and many are willing to take time out to read and comment on others’ work. Even, or maybe I should say especially, those who are the big fish in the pond, those who have been doing this a while and have large followings.

The people in my writing groups are among the most supportive I have ever encountered. When writer’s block strikes, they are quick to offer suggestions. When self-doubt creeps in, they point out successes. When the numbers (of likes, shares, acceptances) are down, they point out that the piece may simply have not “found its home yet,” that there is a place for all good writing (and they remind that the writing is in fact, “good”). When the trolls come out in force, they are there to dull the sting and soothe hurt feelings.

This is the kind of world I want to be part of, one that wants everyone to succeed, where we all encourage each other to be the best we can be. We don’t always agree, but we can disagree in a civil manner, or simply let it go. We do not have to always be “right,” we don’t have to have the last word; we can be content to give our opinion and move on.

The writing community is a family, we cheer each other on, support each other when we are feeling doubt and defend each other in comments when the trolls get really ugly. Why can’t the rest of the world follow suit?

Big News – Another Hat for Me!

By Kimberly Yavorski April 29, 2016 writing

I’m going to share a secret. I’m a bit of a column junkie. You know, those chatty pieces in newspapers and sometimes magazines where people cleverly share bits of their lives. The stories that you read that make you laugh or cry, or just say “Me too!” In the past, I have gotten attached to some of these people, who almost felt like friends and was saddened when they moved on to other things or simply retired.

I have often wondered how they got those gigs and thought it would be great to do that, to have a regular place to share thoughts and have people just waiting to read what you have to say. I actually considered contacting the local paper to inquire about the possibility, but at the time, I didn’t have a good angle, an engaging theme or topic.

Just a week ago, a website I have enjoyed reading for some time and which recently published my work, (The 5 Mom Friends All Moms Need) made some changes. They decided to add a number of columnists to the site and put out a call to their writers to submit column proposals. I decided to give it a try.

I am very excited to announce that my proposal was accepted. Starting this week, my column, “Life on the Other Side” can be found at Sammiches and Psych Meds! I will be talking about parenting and life with teenagers and young adults a few times a month. I would love it if you could click on over and check it out. The other new columnists have some terrific pieces up and I encourage you to take a look at them as well as the rest of the site. It is a nice blend of thoughtful, serious and funny, with a wicked dose of sarcasm thrown in with their “Mock Mom” division.

Now I want to be clear that I don’t expect all of you to be interested in what I have to say, or to be anxiously awaiting my next installment. I will still continue writing about all sorts of things (like stuff that comes into my head…) and I don’t think I am the next Erma Bombeck. However, if you are interested, I would love it if you would follow me (either on social media or checking in here or the home page occasionally). If you think you know someone who may be interested in “Life on the Other Side,” and would be willing to pass on the link, I would be grateful.

click here to read more about…

Life On the Other Side

You can also follow me on Facebook and Twitter.

Are Early Memories a Blueprint for Life?

By Kimberly Yavorski April 21, 2016 growing up

Recently, my genealogy research prompted me to look up one of my childhood homes online, which then led to a conversation with my mom about my early memories about my younger years. This got me to thinking about my earliest memories, which I realized are mostly related to the outdoors. We were not an outdoorsy family, so what does that say about me? Unlike the rest of my family, I have always been drawn by nature (prompting my sister to question if I was adopted; I wasn’t) and as an adult, find comfort in the outdoors. When I feel beaten by life, a walk in the woods somehow makes it all bearable.

My earliest memories are of the house we lived in when I was three. I mostly remember the backyard. We had a towering walnut tree in the center of the yard, which dropped an abundance of playthings for me. I had a baby carriage which I pushed in said yard, though I have no memory of it ever holding a doll. It did hold the family dog (when she would allow it) and was used as a container for the walnuts I enjoyed collecting. This tree was a very welcoming one, yet somehow my parents and the neighbor who called to tell them I was sitting at the top of it, didn’t appreciate its attraction. (Remember, I was THREE.) I also remember the basement of this house where I once brought a bucketful of frogs I had gathered from the muddy backyard on a particularly rainy day. (I remember that was not particularly appreciated either.)

I remember the move to our next home, when I was four. The house had two front doors, which I questioned when we drove up to it for the first time. (It was what I now refer to as a “twin,” a two-family house that shares a common wall.) My most vivid memory here was a certain Sunday, after church, going out back to play. (I know it was after church because I was wearing a dress and patent white Mary Janes, which I could only be convinced to wear for church.) I was friends with one of the neighborhood boys my age and we went exploring. We spent what felt like the entire day running through yards, over fences and along a “crick.” When I got home, muddy and tired, I got an earful. I was worried about being in trouble for having muddy shoes, but apparently the big issue was scaring my parents by running off without them knowing. (As a parent, I now get this.)

My other early memories center around books, mostly being read to by my mom. This love for books is also something I have never let go. My sister was also read to, yet she does not have the compulsion to always have them around that I do. (In fact, when you look at how different the two of us are, it is surprising that we grew up in the same household.)

From the age of five or so, I have a multitude of memories: of homes, friends, school, and events. From talking to others, I understand that this is common; few of us have a large number of memories from when we were very young and most people seem to remember their lives from about the time they enter school.

This all got me to wondering if lifelong interests and tendencies are perhaps innate, something we are born with rather than something we pick up along the way. Do our early childhood events shape our future interests? Do we remember certain things because we now have an interest in them or are those interests so much a part of us that they have always been present?

How about you? Are your earliest memories relevant to your life today?

A Long Weekend With the Girls

By Kimberly Yavorski April 5, 2016 book review

cover85169-medium Book Review – 4 out of 5 stars

I recently had the opportunity to read an advance copy of a novel, Girls’ Weekend, by Cara Sue Achterberg, which is due out May 3. The novel tells the story of three moms who go away for a weekend, and don’t come home.

The three moms have very different lives: Meg is a full time stay at home mom, Dani works from home part time, and Charlotte owns her own business. Despite this fact, I found myself relating to all of them, seeing a little bit of me in each one individually. They struggle with losing their identity, and the ways parenthood changes both the individuals and a marriage. The friends have gotten into predictable routines, perhaps too predictable. You see glimpses of the women they were before children and understand why they have the desire to escape from their lives.

The women plan a girls’ weekend at the beach, but when it is time to go home, Dani says she isn’t going. The other women follow suit. Of course this causes tension for each of them at home, but they are firm in their commitment to finding themselves again. Now be honest, moms, who hasn’t had fantasies about running away? Not forever, but long enough to recharge and, if you have been feeling unappreciated, long enough for someone to notice that what you do matters.

While away, the women learn more about each other and more importantly about themselves. They discover that what appears to be is not always true and that they each have strengths that even they may not have realized.

Achterberg captures the struggle so many moms face, that of being everything to the small beings who capture their hearts, yet trying to preserve some aspects of the individual they each were before. It is easy to get lost as a mom, to forget who you were and what mattered to you before kids, but it is important to keep these things in sight, because children inevitably grow up.

I enjoyed the novel. By page three, I was hooked. If I could have, I would have read it in one sitting. I am a parenting stage beyond the characters in the book, but can very much relate to them (though I don’t think I would even consider testing my marriage in this way). Since it comes out May 3, you will be able to pick it up just in time for beach season.

* I received an advance copy of Girls’ Weekend through Net Galley.

March-ing in New Changes

By Kimberly Yavorski March 30, 2016 Uncategorized

The past month has been one of big new changes. It marks the debut of my very own website as well as the continued publication of my writing on other sites. I am happy to have discovered Parent.co, a new-ish website for parents at all stages of parenthood. They celebrated their one year anniversary this month with a new website and expanded content. If you haven’t taken a look recently (or ever) it’s worth a look to check out the exciting content. While you are there, you can also read the two articles of mine they posted this month:

Why Being Facebook Friends With My Kids Works for Me

And

There IS a Dish Fairy, and Other Lies I Have Convinced My Family Are True

If you like what you see, please share on Facebook if you can. (It makes me look good and helps to make online publishing available.)

As always, thanks for reading!

Kimberly

Changing Me With The New Season

By Kimberly Yavorski March 15, 2016 Uncategorized

Spring is coming. So far March has been mostly blustery and the past few days have been gray. We have gotten some beautiful spring like days that have served to remind me of days to come. The crocus and daffodils are in bloom. I am anxious to pack up the sweaters and pull out the warm weather clothes. Soon it will be warm enough to get the kayaks back in the water and spend time outside. I am seeing and hearing more birds and I know soon will see the twitterpated squirrels dancing around the yard.

I am also thinking about what there is to prepare. It is almost time to ready our small garden plot for planting vegetables (which to be fully honest, I will then proceed to ignore for most of the season). The flower beds will need weeding and mulching. I am looking forward to the day I can throw open all the windows and bring in the fresh spring air and pack away all remnants of winter.

Spring brings new life, new thoughts, new goals. I have been focusing on newness in my career; it is now time to work on a makeover for my body, For too long, I have been carrying around extra weight. Now that I am hitting a milestone age, I know it is time to get serious about losing it. I want to make sure that I do what I can to improve the odds that I will be around for years to come. Writing about my next stage in life has helped me find a career direction; hopefully writing about this will help me find a solution for my body as well.

My age I know is making my body conspire against me to make this all more difficult. My lifestyle and diet could be better. I have started to work on that. I am not yet back to my old habit of walking daily, but am walking more often. I have made some changes to our diet, but need to focus on that more. I know that both of these will make a difference, and I need to do more as well. I know there are programs out there to help but don’t really think they are for me. I don’t do well with boot camp style encouragement and am not comfortable with any classes that happen in mirrored rooms. However, I could use encouragement from a buddy, to get me out and moving. The dog has taken it upon herself to try to fill that role. I need to listen to her more.

I am also trying to become more social. For years, my social life revolved around my children’s activities. Now those activities are done, and I am finding myself spending too much time inside, like a hermit. This is not a role I like at all and this needs to change. With the new season, I look forward to news of street fairs and similar events. I need to make plans for fun, even if it means penciling in a trip to a local lake for an afternoon of kayaking or a nearby park for some hiking. This can actually serve both goals. If anyone local has any ideas to share, I’d love to hear about them.