When I Grow Up

Step into Someone Else’s Shoes … and Take a Look at Yourself

By Kimberly Yavorski January 8, 2014 Uncategorized

The New Year commonly brings resolutions to start fresh – to bring new habits into our lives to make them ultimately better. Making a resolution for the year makes no real sense to me, because life is constantly changing and it would quickly need updating. A set of goals is more manageable and realistic, especially when they are general enough that they too can evolve as the year goes on and new needs surface. A general philosophy or theme (some people are using keywords) may help keep things on track. This year I am looking at having a new outlook on life. How we see ourselves is rarely the same as how others see us. Taking a step back and looking at ourselves from someone else’s point of view is difficult and can be alarming, but can also be enlightening and ultimately rewarding.

One of my best friends told me before Christmas that she was thinking of taking a Facebook hiatus since she was tired of seeing how accomplished everyone else was in comparison. Funny enough, I had checked out my “Year in Review” that morning and marveled at how happy and accomplished my life looked, despite how negative I had been feeling. Of course, she could say the same thing as well. Most of our Facebook accounts are like this. We post happy smiling photos of ourselves and our families, the good things that happen to us, our accomplishments, etc. In some ways, it is a “Brag Rag.” It is simply human nature for us to publicize ourselves at our best. You don’t see posts about how we growl at people just because the day isn’t going as planned or when we do something incredibly stupid (unless it is also very funny).

For these reasons, Facebook (or similar media) can be a good way to start taking a look at your life, but will not give the complete picture. In my case, it gave me a much needed boost in the midst of the pre-holiday insanity that so much of us indulge in, but also made me realize I need to do this more often. We also can take this a step further and consider these questions: Would I want to be friends with me? Am I the parent I want to be? Would I give myself a job? Am I fun to be around? I would hazard a guess that for most of us, the answer to these questions is yes, at least sometimes. I have found that moving outside my self, and looking at me as others do, can be very eye opening, and not always in a flattering way.

I was shy as a kid – you could probably say clinically shy. In fact, one of my elementary school teachers recommended to my parents that I get therapy (which was not so commonplace in the late 70s). My turning point (as I see it anyway) came in 7^th grade when I overheard some other students talking about me. They were saying that I was stuck up and thought I was better than everyone else. Nothing could have been further from the truth. I was terrified of people and did my best to be invisible in school. I had a couple close friends, but was always uncomfortable in groups of more than a half dozen or so. There was no rational reason for this fear or my feelings of inadequacy. I was always told (and believed) that I could do anything I set my mind to. This one overheard conversation unnerved me. I was NOT stuck up and it made me determined to show people that they were wrong. The road from then to now is long (and often boring), but suffice it to say, I started stepping out of my comfort zone and tried to see things from other people’s perspective. I have not always succeeded (and sometimes forget to look beyond the blinders) but have found doing so a valuable interpersonal tool as well as a pathway for my own personal growth.

My recent Facebook self-analysis surprised me a little. Not because of what I saw, but because of how long it has been since I took an objective look at myself and my life.

I have a good life. I am overall a happy person. Sometimes life throws me, and all of us, things that are difficult to comprehend, much less deal with. Everyday life can sometimes get in the way of living. I want to stop this. I realize that sometimes everyday “must-dos” and unexpected events will slow things down, but I want to focus on life itself. Perhaps a “happiness plan” is in order. I want to set priorities, make realistic goals and most importantly, act on them. Above all else, I want to be happy and for the people in my life to be happy with me. Happiness can be contagious – let’s spread it around.

Life, Changing

By Kimberly Yavorski November 24, 2013 growing up, relationships

IMG_20150928_110954 My daughter moved out. She didn’t go off to college, or camp, she moved out. I know that life is full of changes and as we age, they seem to be more frequent. This is a big one.

It is time, I know. She is an adult, with a college degree, a good job, her own car and a savings account. Our house, even after the remodel, is cramped with 6 people and 2 dogs (especially since 5 of said people are “technically” adults). This changes things a lot. It changes the demographics of our household, and even (insert melodramatic music here) the demographics of our town. This was made more real when she came back with her lease and forms to change her local tax and voter registration status.

Like most of us, she has accumulated a lot of stuff. Having a suite-style dorm situation in college, she is pretty well set in the kitchen department (most of which inhabited a bit of real estate in our basement over the past few years). Then there’s the clothes, trinkets, games, memorabilia that build up over time. The stuff, that I am ready to see go. My daughter, not so much.

She is my first born, the first one to go away to college, and then spend a year abroad. That was possibly the most difficult thing I have done in my life – let her go work as an au pair for a year in Germany. Then I had to tell her to stay there when she called, homesick, after spending Christmas actually sick with a “strange” family across the ocean. That year, I had to spend Thanksgiving, then Christmas, her birthday, Easter, without her. Another family had that privilege (side note, they are not really that strange, she has remained close with them and are still in touch).This time is will be easier. At least for now, I will still get those holidays. Plus, she will only be 8 miles away, in the same time zone, a short car or train ride away.

Life changing, yes. Life shattering, no. This will be an adventure for her. It is a nice apartment, with plenty of room for her and a small yard to share. She can have pets if she wants to (I expect it won’t take long for something furry to appear in that space) and will get to make her own house rules. Unpacking her boxes will be fun, since she has not seen some of those things for a couple years. Picking out furniture and decorating will also be fun for her. Moving is exciting. It is a chance to start fresh, an empty canvas, an avenue to discover or reinvent yourself.

Back to me. Another change. In the past 8 years, our household has been shifting. With kids going to and coming home from college we have gone from having 6 living here to 5, to 6, to 5 to 4 to 5 to 6. The dynamics have changed every time the household size changed again. Now things really change, though. Demographically, we will be a 5-person household. Up until now, her other “homes” have been temporary; our house has been the “permanent” residence. Now, she will refer to going to her apartment from our house as “going home.”

We were the first of our friends to start a family. For this reason, we are at a different life stage than most of them. We are charting new territory. It is easy to think about how you will act/react to future events. The reality is often very different. Stages of parenting, like stages of childhood are both tedious and fleeting. What parent has not wished for their child to be older, then looked back wistfully on that “blissful” time. We do know some people whose children have left home. In fact, a good friend had one daughter marry and the other move to another state within a month of each other this summer. This is normal, the “circle of life.” However, it is still strange.

Don’t get me wrong, I do not want my children to live with me forever. In some ways, I look forward to the “empty nest.” I want my everyday parenting to come to an end, to change my role to more of an advisory one (though I am not in a rush to see this happen). I will still worry and feel their pain when things go wrong (as they inevitably will), but they will be the ones making the decisions about where life takes them, what paths to take. As they take on new adventures, I hope to have my own. Sometimes we will journey together, other times we will share our stories and photographs.

This change is a good thing. It means we have done our job. She is capable of tending to her own needs. She can cook and clean up after herself, manage her own money, and is well-respected at her job. She is a grown-up. Having her own space will give her the room to grow further. Fortunately, she is staying in the area – only 8 miles away. She likes my cooking, so I think she will stop in every so often for dinner.

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Being a Grown-up Is Overrated

By Kimberly Yavorski November 6, 2013 growing up, relationships

grown up Irresponsible. That is what I want to be today. Being a grown-up is SO overrated. Today is one of those days that I want to be Wendy and have Peter Pan swoop in and take me off to Neverland. Instead, I am stuck here in reality. The dog had an upset tummy sometime last night, something spilled and congealed in the cabinet, I have two doctor’s appointments to get to today (one is mine), there are two half slices of bread in the breadbox and no milk in the fridge, no fruit to speak of, warning lights about a brake lamp are on in my car, I forgot to defrost meat to put in the Crock Pot for dinner (since I will be in the city at the orthodontist’s office when I would normally be making dinner), and I am beyond behind in my writing goals. All this on a morning after my first good night’s sleep in weeks (my internal thermostat has been malfunctioning at increasingly frequent levels).

You may be thinking that I should be tackling some of these issues (actually, a couple have been taken care of already). You may be right, but at this particular moment, I can’t. Normally this would be a time to reach out to my Mommy Network, but it is early (they have kids to get to school, are in different time zones) and I really can’t spare the time today. So here I am, at the computer, hoping the day will improve.

However, the fact still stands, sometimes, being a grown-up is overrated. Yes, there are things that only grown-ups can do, but there are also things that grown-ups have to do. Right now, I am indulging in a grown-up decision. I am eating pumpkin pie for breakfast and feeling no guilt about the gym membership that has lapsed. An hour from now, I will be in the dentist’s chair, and after that I don’t expect to stop until dinner.

I know that I have to pull myself together. The dog is sitting at my feet, soaking up the negativity (he gets extra clingy when I get overwhelmed) and the clock is ticking down to dentist time. If I worked outside the home, this would definitely be a call for a mental health day. I find it surprising that, though I no longer have small children, I seem to be busier and more tired than ever. I have marveled at friends who started families 10 or more years after we did. How do they have the energy? I am realizing that although young children demand much time and energy, physically, older children require more mental and emotional energy, which for me, at least, is often more exhausting.

I have come to think of my role in the family as a sponge of sorts. I seem to be the person in the family that they all come to when they need to talk. Most days, it is not too much of a challenge. But, when five people have a bad day, on a day that is less than stellar for me, the sponge fills up too soon. (That’s usually when I call in the Mommy Network.) This week, this month, the upcoming holiday season, are all already quite full. Life is too busy. Wishing for some of that pixie dust…

A Moral Compass

By Kimberly Yavorski November 4, 2013 Uncategorized

Being a long time Girl Scout leader and the parent of an Eagle Scout, I have spent a bit of time reflecting on the importance of Scouting. Both Boy and Girl Scouts have taken a beating in the “media” in recent years, and one has to wonder,“why?” Yes, there have been some individuals who have made bad decisions and done bad things, but isn’t that true of all aspects of society? How can one blame an entire group for the (sometimes only perceived) misdeeds of the few.

Both organizations share similar values, as well as a motto – “Be prepared.” This of course makes sense when you remember that the founder of Girl Scouts used the Boy Scouts organization as a model. The Boy Scout Oath and Girl Scout Promise likewise are similar. Both start “On my Honor…”

What a powerful concept. I am going to pledge my honor, my integrity, my good name. I would guess that many don’t think about it when reciting a pledge, but this really is a big deal. At the risk of sounding like a dinosaur, honor is one of those intangibles that is the very essence of an individual. It is what makes one trustworthy, respected, a good friend.

Next, “I will try” (for the girls) or “I will do my best” (for the boys). Again, there is power behind the words. This wording recognizes our humanity. These young men and women pledge to work towards the ideals given to them in their respective Laws. They also recognize that none of us are perfect, but even when we fail, we still try to do our best. (I am certain that most, if not all, Eagle Scouts and Gold Award recipients have experienced some sort of failure, which is likely one of the best learning experiences one can have.)

“To do my duty to God and my country” (Boy Scout). “To serve God and my country” (Girl Scout). “To help people at all times” (both). [Side note: the Girl Scout promise essentially ends here, with the added “and to live by the Girl Scout Law.” The Boy Scout Oath continues, “to keep myself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight.”]

Some of the wording here varies slightly, but the idea is the same. As in the documents which founded this country, God is a part of our lives, and service to our country and our communities is a given. Both of these youth organizations are heavy on the community service aspect and both recognize high achievement in service with their most esteemed and valued awards. Funny enough, this is the point where both organizations have gotten criticism – much of the controversy stems from religious beliefs.

Both groups encourage youth to work toward religious awards – their own religion, in conjunction with their own religious leaders, not one espoused/run by the organizations. People are entitled to their own religious beliefs and we need to be able to get along, even when we do not agree. I commend Girl Scouts of the USA for making a point that a girl can substitute another term for God based on their own personal religious doctrines. What is upsetting is the fact that some religious people do not understand that everyone may not share their views and then use these policies to claim that the organization has an “agenda.”

The other hot topic that has circulated the internet for the past few years, curiously enough, comes from Girl Scout USA’s refusal to take a stand on a controversial topic. You probably have seen something to the effect that Girl Scouts supports Planned Parenthood and is pro-abortion. As best I can tell, this stems from a conference in New York City several years ago where literature was left on a table in a convention center in which Girl Scouts had an event. Anyone who has been to a major convention center (or a large city) should know how difficult it can be to avoid seeing or even being handed such things. GSUSA has since published statements to clarify their position, obviously to no avail. I also have seen a rant from a pastor who adds that Girl Scouts encourages lesbianism. This would be laughable if there were not people who believe this sort of thing (because it is on the internet, after all).

The Boy Scouts of America, of course, were attacked for not being inclusive, and then for changing their membership policy regarding scouts. I support their recent decision to allow all boys to participate in scouting activities, without regard to sexual orientation. I especially applaud their statement, “Any sexual conduct, whether homosexual or heterosexual, by youth of Scouting age is contrary to the virtues of Scouting.” I think that sexual orientation is and should have never been an issue. In my experiences with Scouting (both organizations) sex is not a subject that has been or should have been discussed. Scouting activities help youth grow and become the best world citizens they can be. This can be seen in the respective Laws that guide them :

“A [Boy] Scout is Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Thrifty, Brave, Clean, and Reverent.”

A Girl Scout promises, “I will do my best to be honest and fair, friendly and helpful, considerate and caring, courageous and strong, and responsible for what I say and do, and to respect myself and others, respect authority, use resources wisely, make the world a better place, and be a sister to every Girl Scout.”

Again, there are a lot of similarities. These Laws list good, solid values. How can anyone take issue with promoting values such as honesty, courtesy, helpfulness, friendliness, responsibility, reverence? These are the core values in scouting. Any young man or woman who continues to participate in Scouting really has no choice but to assimilate at least some of these. All the young men and women I have known who stuck with the program into high school are model citizens. They are the doers and shakers. They are the ones making the world a better place. I am proud to know each and every one of them. Frankly, I wish more people had grown up in Scouting.

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Compromise and Taking Turns

By Kimberly Yavorski October 31, 2013 Uncategorized

Recent events once again have me thinking of that book, Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. For a while, it was everywhere and quotes from it appeared regularly. I’m afraid that, like too many other positive things in life, it has been forgotten. The basic skills we learn in kindergarten and those necessary to succeed in life – simple but too often forgotten. Courtesy is no longer common and too many people are refusing to act without promise of a personal benefit. Saying please and thank you, taking turns and sometimes just simply being nice are too infrequent. You can say it’s a sign of the times; that with everyone uncertain about what is around the corner, it is necessary to think of ones self to avoid being taken advantage of or left behind. However, I think that in difficult times, it is even MORE important to remember manners and just plain be nice to people.

The government is a prime example of dysfunction, but this appalling lack of manners is also seen in many workplaces and social interactions. I am still surprised when salesclerks are surprised when I turn attention from my phone to them (on the rare occasion I find it necessary to use my cell phone in public). More than once, I have been told that “No one has ever done that before.” I find this not just sad, but appalling. How have we become a society that raises tools to a level of such importance that they supersede human contact?

Taking turns also seems to be something that some adults are struggling with today. Waiting for a turn in line, waiting for a light to turn green, this is sometimes more than people can manage. We have become accustomed to instant gratification. This has gone was beyond the fast food of our youth. We can get movies in seconds, see photos on our cameras the instant they are taken, get items at our door the day after we order them, and make and receive phone calls and messages no matter where we are. (A pet peeve of mine – people expecting me to be available to answer said phone call or message at any time. There are certain times that you will not be able to reach me. Deal with it.)

Likewise compromise is something almost unheard of. Too many people have an overblown sense of entitlement and will not give without receiving, or in some cases, will not give at all, claiming that they have “done enough” already. This of course will not work if both sides share this attitude. Compromise is taking turns: today you get to choose, tomorrow I get to choose. Or, I get to choose a,b,c and you can choose x,y,z. Overall, the result should be fair.

Fairness is another concept at issue. Our constitution claims all men are created equal. Not really. Equal potential, maybe, but life circumstances can change the balance either way. Likewise, God-given talents vary from person to person. I believe that there is a balance that can be said to be fair, but not equal and I think that most parents of multiple children would agree with me. (Though teaching our children that life is not always fair is important.) This concept of all being equal adds to the sense of entitlement prevalent in our culture.

Yes, our parents told us we can have it all. However, that does not mean we can walk all over other people to get it. Logically speaking, if we can all have it all, we have to find a way to share and get along. In most cases, there is more than enough to go around. In this country, most of us have way more than we need and frequently much more than is good for us. A kindergartener could figure out the solution: share, take turns, be nice. Manners matter.

Make Good Choices

By Kimberly Yavorski September 25, 2013 Uncategorized

When her kids were young, I heard my neighbor say these words to them every time they went off on their own. What powerful words – “Make good choices.” This could very well be a mantra for us all to live by. Of course, this means something different when saying it to a 6 year old for a playdate, but making good choices has an impact on everyone.

Good choices for a child include looking both ways before crossing the street, sharing toys, saying please and thank you, and using words instead of fists. As we get older, the number of choices increases and are more complicated: who do we choose as friends or dates, what activities to pursue, how much time to dedicate to learning. The most challenging: Which good choice to make. Sometimes the options are just different, so how do we determine which one is best for us? Sometimes we don’t even know all the available options.

There are big choices: getting married, having kids, buying a house. These are often called life-changing choices. Thinking about it, though, aren’t all choices life-changing? Choosing to get out of bed and out of the house has distinctly different results than staying in bed all day. Choosing what to eat or drink and whether and how much to exercise affects our health, our mindset, and potentially our personal interactions and can have long lasting effects. How we communicate with others impacts our relationships. Choosing to have a positive attitude has the potential to make or break someone else’s day. Choosing how we react to others affects our own days.

Smiling at the harried salesperson instead of berating them for something out of their control, or at the mother with the tantruming toddler in the middle of the aisle doesn’t take much effort, but can make a difference in their lives. We have all gotten the emails about the people who decided that life was worth living because of a random kindness. The movie Pay it Forward started a kindness movement of its own. Much has been made of the so-called “butterfly effect.” Our actions have an impact on other living beings, both good and bad, and oftentimes without our intent or even awareness that it is happening.

That is not to say that we are responsible for other people’s happiness. It is up to each individual to decide how to react to life events. This is also a choice. When hit with challenges, you can face them and work to solve them, or you can curl up and hide from them. On a simple, day to day basis, we can choose to be happy. Comments can usually be interpreted in different ways. Why not pick the most flattering one? Choose to accept them as compliments rather than as insults. Take a moment before reacting when you don’t like someone’s tone or attitude. Maybe that person is having a bad day. Try to not take things personally.

There is a lot of anger in the world today. Justified? Maybe, but it’s not terribly productive. Anger is a crippling emotion, it is ugly, a black spot on your soul. It may get you motivated to take action, but will likely not take you far. To get people to work with you, you need to be positive. The best leaders lead by example and are inspirational. They bring out the best in others.

Turning anger around into something positive is a challenge. It requires a change in mindset and giving up power. The paradox here is that you actually gain power by giving up anger. You gain the power over yourself. Acting out of anger is not rational or logical. Staying angry at someone for an extended amount of time is actually giving them the power – the power to affect your happiness. Think about it: is anyone or anything worth relinquishing your happiness for? Isn’t happy a better state of being?

You can wish yourself happy. Look for the good. See the positives. Stop and look for the beauty around you (it is there). Smile. Be nice. Making good choices makes the world a better place.

I think happy is a good choice.

Happiness Triggers

By Kimberly Yavorski September 24, 2013 Uncategorized

My husband’s smile

My family playing

My kids’ singing (especially when they do it together)

My dogs’ way of snuggling

Hugs (and kisses)

Sunrises and sunsets (noticing them makes me stop and look)

Walks on the beach (and in the woods)

Paddling/sailing/motoring on the water (any kind of boat will do)

Bare feet in soft grass

Learning something new/accomplishing a goal

Finding ancestor records

Capturing the perfect moment/image on film (I guess now it’s actually digital)

Finding the perfect gift for someone

Random acts of kindness

Exploring new places

Be Happy

By Kimberly Yavorski September 24, 2013 Uncategorized

Isn’t that really what we all want to be when we grow up? Isn’t it the American way to “pursue happiness?” How, exactly, does one do that?

There is a quote I really like: “We don’t stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing.” I truly think that this is the key to feeling (and possibly looking) younger, longer. Play is an essential task – one that kids have mastered, but too many adults have forgotten how to do. It is the essence of Peter Pan, the idea of “not growing up,” the eternal child. This is not to say that we should all act childish (at least not in a negative sense), but there are benefits to seeing the world through a child’s eyes.

A child sees most things as being positive; they are new and exciting. The fact that so many adults lose this wonderment and become jaded is just plain sad. More grown-ups should take time to play. Statistics show that we work too many hours. Even on vacation, many are still in touch with the office, thanks to our dependence on technology. This, however, is an entirely separate conversation. Today, I want to focus on the positives.

Play is fun. It can be competitive or lazy. It can mean running around outside or sitting at a table indoors. However you look at it, it is most often social, not solitary. Playing is good for you. One rarely regrets play (you can regret losing, or how well you performed, but not usually that you took the time to play). I believe that the positive effects of play can also be gotten vicariously. Think of watching sporting events, kids playing in the backyard or on the playground, animals playing (all those YouTube videos), or my personal favorite – a dad playing with his kids.

I think there is nothing sexier than a man spending time playing with his children – not the okay, I’ll-play-one-more-round-of-Candyland-to-shut-you-up kind of play, but the all-in, let’s-have-a-great-time, I’m-really-enjoying-your-company kind of play. Many times I have enjoyed simply sitting back and watching. Amazingly enough, it has sometimes taken a while for any of them to notice me and invite me to join in. One such incident was camping in Shenandoah, where the five of them were playing Frisbee. Even getting the Frisbee off the bathroom roof became a game; figuring out who was light enough to get up there to retrieve it, yet coordinated enough to not fall off the roof, then back into the game again until it was too dark to see. (This one I was lucky enough to capture in photos.)

I regret that these moments come too infrequently. “Real life” has a way of getting in the way. Scheduling play never really seems to work – it ends up being forced and not fun. I have found that creating opportunities sometimes works better, (such as planning a weekend camping with nothing but each other to amuse ourselves) but as they all get older, their interests are more diverse and it has become more challenging. The demands of multiple work schedules and schoolwork make it even harder.

Happiness seems especially elusive in today’s world, with violent acts and natural disasters monopolizing the news and the job situation still uncertain, even for those with jobs. I have noticed that today’s teenagers have a difficult time doing nothing; it seems to make them anxious. Doing nothing was a given in my childhood, and looking back at it, a gift. Having nothing to do meant we created something to do and though it was sometimes goofy, it was always fun.

Another observation I have made is that happiness is frequently contagious. Spending time with happy people can make us happier, if we let it. I have a Bible quote posted on my fridge that I cut out of a church bulletin: “When others are happy, be happy with them. If they are sad, share their sorrow” (Romans 12:15). We should take time to celebrate life’s moments, big and small.

In today’s cyber world, it is tempting to make comparisons. Reading your friends’ Facebook posts and comparing their “exciting” lives with your own can be a downer, that is, until you realize that they are only posting the positives. After all, who wants to share all of your everyday struggles with the world? It is also easy to dwell on the negatives and get dragged down in unhappiness (not what I think Romans is recommending). This is what we really need to change.

In a perfect world, we could all get jobs that make us happy, all the time, and then come home to our perfect families who also make us happy all the time, and live happily ever after… (how Stepford-ish)

But we live in an imperfect world and have lots of sayings to make us feel better about it. Hardships make us stronger, failure helps us learn, storms make us appreciate the calm, blah, blah, blah. It’s not that I don’t believe all this, I do, but it is tough sometimes being surrounded by sayings from a Hallmark card, especially when you aren’t feeling the happy.

Me, I want to be happy and I try to find the happiness in most things I do. My glass is (usually) half full, but sometimes I need reminders of why. A wise woman I know suggested that everyone should make a list of what makes them happy and refer back to it when needed (and to share it with loved ones so that they will know what makes you happy and not have to guess). A good suggestion (and another opportunity to make a list, yay!) I think I will refer to this list as my “Happiness Triggers.” This was more difficult than I had expected, so I have posted it separately and plan to add to it.

Learn Something New

By Kimberly Yavorski September 18, 2013 Uncategorized

Experts tend to agree that it is good to keep learning. It is even said that learning new skills can help fend off common age-related disorders such as dementia. It also gives one a feeling of accomplishment and is just plain fun. Several years ago, I had a writing assignment for a magazine aimed at the 50+ year old population on going back to school. I got to interview several people who returned to college; some for an advanced degree, but several also for a first one. Some, but not all were going back to school for professional reasons. One woman I spoke with was 87 and auditing classes at a state university for more than 20 years, (she earned a bachelors but decided to not get a masters) simply because she enjoyed it. It got her out of the house and reading and talking to people more.

The motivation behind my next endeavor has nothing to do with keeping my brain functioning. I have been wishing we had a Girl Scout website for our local group for some time now, and always thought it would be too complicated and time consuming for me to do, and no one else seemed to want to tackle it either. Now that I am starting to think about what I want to do next, I have been doing some research into job possibilities. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I am finding that I have become a bit of a dinosaur. Though I don’t call for the kids to help me figure things out on the computer (not very often, anyway), I am discovering that I am lacking some skills that seem necessary in today’s workplace, at least the type of workplace I last inhabited.

Here seems a confluence of ideas. Web management and adeptness at social media seem to be essentials in today’s publishing world. I am comfortable with Facebook (but don’t currently see the need to add the other time suckers into my daily routine). I use other people’s websites regularly, and many of these are not as user-friendly as one would like. This adds another dimension to my dilemma. Not only am I treading uncharted waters in starting a website, I need it to be a good website. Being fond of lists (as they help me get through the most insane weeks), I guess this can be a way to start.

Website purpose:

1. Disseminate information (meetings, events, how to join, safety regulations, etc.)

2. Collect information (from those wishing to join, new ideas)

3. Market the program (explain why scouting is fun/valuable)

What makes a “good” website:

1. easy to navigate

2. interactive

3. interesting

4. attractive

5. easy to read (even for older eyes)

Necessary information:

1. purpose of the organization

2. photos

3. contact information (who’s who and how to reach them)

4. calendar of events

5. contact us page

6. links to resources

7. privacy controls for sensitive information

Now I have set of guidelines. I have most of the information needed. Compiling it all and making it pretty I know will take some time. I expect the finished product will be a time saver, as I will have fewer questions to answer if people know where to go for their answers. And, I will be able to say that I have experience with websites. I know I can do this. I know it will challenge me (starting this blog had its technical challenges and I still want to improve on the appearance). Time to get started…

Do What You Love

By Kimberly Yavorski September 11, 2013 midlife

I had plenty of time to ponder while sitting at jury duty, waiting to see if I might be needed. I did spend a chunk of time sorting through Girl Scout stuff, getting things organized for the new year, but then thought (and rightly so) that if I started to write, they would likely tell us what to do. First it was go to lunch, and then it was go home. So, I have been given the rest of the week back.

So, while waiting, I pondered. What do I love to do? What would I spend more time on if I had more time to spend?

Now that I have a dedicated room, one that I see every morning and night, sewing quickly comes to mind, both as a must do (mending pile is calling) and want to do (create clothes and other stuff). My first sewing project on my own was a zebra costume for my daughter for Halloween. I happened to have a piece of zebra print fabric (extra from Grandma’s old couch – that is another story) that was about the right size. I used a blanket sleeper as a “pattern” and, though I didn’t leave quite enough room for seams, it somehow worked (she was very cute squeezed into the little suit and, at 1 ½, didn’t really care what it looked like anyway).

After this, I realized that I could buy patterns and make other clothes as well. I started with knit pants (luckily, because they were easy enough for me to be successful and therefore keep going). Shirts, I found, were not quite as easy. I spent most of an afternoon sewing, ripping out and re-sewing seams on my first shirt, then decided that having some seams on the inside and others on the outside was a fashion statement. At one point, I found a book in the bargain section (imagine that) on how to sew dolls and other toys. That year, the girls in the family all got fabric dolls and my kids and their cousins got rather large puppets as gifts. When the kids got older, they made requests for Halloween costumes and I did my best to comply. One year I even made Civil War Era costumes for my husband and myself.

Of course, this continued to progress. I signed up to help with costumes for middle and high school plays (my current machine was purchased at WalMart at 10 pm the night before dress rehearsal for one show when the old one fell apart in my hands). By the time my youngest was in 7^th grade, I was the co-coordinator for costumes and made more dresses in a month I had previously thought possible. I was insanely busy, but loved it (and felt a sort of withdrawal the following year when they didn’t need any costumes).

When my sister got married, I organized a community quilt as a gift for them (I stole the idea from good friends when they got married). Several years later, I decided to try to make a quilt completely by myself and ended up making and gifting three. (I have yet to put one together for myself, though I have the fabric – all purchased from and reflecting a trip to Hawaii.) It was suggested that I make and sell these, but I think that would take the fun out of it. Besides, they were all designed and made for the people who have them. I’m not sure about doing that for strangers.

A year or so ago, I was approached by a friend who had a client with a specific need. She had a pillow with a hole slightly off-center and needed a washable cover for it (which would have to be removed to be washed). I took on the challenge, and feel that I could safely add domestic engineer to my resume (it was fairly complicated, but in the end, I was very happy with the result). As a job, though, I don’t see much possibility here.

I do think I could consider the possibility of custom curtains. I made most of the curtains currently in our house, either because I couldn’t find what I wanted or simply because I refused to spend what I thought were exorbitant fees for something I could do for a fraction of the cost. But marketing is not really something I want to spend time on.

Wow, I never thought I could spend so much time on this topic. I never even got around to upcoming sewing projects. Other related activities would be refinishing/refurbishing old furniture. I enjoy this, but enjoy the end result more. I guess what it amounts to is that I can not bring myself to ask someone to pay more than I would be willing to pay to get a job done, and that some jobs I wouldn’t do for what I would pay myself (a revelation I just now came to).

An exception to that, of course, is writing. Although much of the writing I have done has been for free (press releases and newsletters for the elementary schools, and a press release for our town’s annual Ocktoberfest), I have gotten used to receiving appropriate pay for freelance writing and am repeatedly frustrated by the trend within some publishing arenas to be “reader written.” Likewise for ads promising circulation, but no pay at this time.

I guess things keep circling around to exactly where I though they would, and one of the purposes of this blog. I need to write.